The Eyes Have It

For those of us who are good at remembering faces and not names… the facemask era has caused panic, stress, and exhaustion. [THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL COMMENTARY! I wear facemasks and will continue to do so. Enough said. Now, if you can get past that, keep reading.]

Six months ago, we all retreated to our homes. There was no venturing out to events, shops, movies, restaurants, or libraries. Essential workers (God love them) headed to their jobs masked up, gloved up. We saw them on television and on social media, and their eyes told the story. Tired eyes. Sad eyes. Caring eyes. Hopeful eyes. There were furrowed brows, heavy eyelids, and marks from additional protective gear. To this day, I am in awe of what they all have done to keep our world going. And wondered again and again how they could work with masks on all day, every day.

Months passed. We learned to Zoom. We found ways to "talk" to each other, see each other's faces, and do the things we'd normally do with family and friends – laugh, share a drink or a joke, play games, commiserate and congratulate, and carry on. It wasn't the same, but it kept us connected. We would read a book to the grandkids with Grandpa holding the book towards the laptop camera and turning the pages as I read from behind the laptop. We texted more, called more. We waved from cars sitting in driveways grateful to see a familiar smiling face.

During those same months, those of us who frequent a salon started to see a change. For me, it was not subtle. I wear my hair extremely short and, with a nod to the gray that was taking over, dyed a silver color. I’m in fairly often to maintain it as my hair grows quickly. Very soon, the curls emerged. Going their own way, unmanageable. I had sections of silver, gray, black. I gave up trying to tame it. Once we began venturing out (but before salons were allowed to reopen), I was out doing errands with my mask. I ran into several people I knew. I'd look their way and smile, but there was no recognition. What to do? Do I embarrass them by calling their name and hoping they realize it's me? What was proper etiquette? Some did figure out who it was after a moment and just laughed – "Your hair!"

We rely on so many visual cues. When it gets changed up – we have to recalculate. (I’m sure you’ve seen the videos on social media of a dad shaving off his beard and scaring his children because they didn’t know who he was!) We recognize people by their face, their voice, their gait, height, their laugh. These days several of those are hidden. Noses, cheeks, and chins are behind cloths. Voices are muffled. Perhaps we've put on the "quarantine 15" (not to be confused with the freshman 15 in college, which was a lot more fun as several people have pointed out.)

Now it all comes down to the eyes. What's that saying..." the eyes are the window to the soul" (thank you, Shakespeare)? It's so true. Our eyes betray our feelings, our interest, our capacity to communicate. If we pay attention, we can learn so much.

Do you look someone in the eyes when you talk to them? I do. Always have. Now, when I speak to someone, there isn’t really any other choice. I see eyes that are fatigued, worried, uncomfortable. I try to commiserate and show compassion – with my eyes, a slight tilt of my head, a nod. I also see happy eyes. Folks are going about their life with an attitude that says – I'm still here, I'm living my life. I'm appreciating every day. Perhaps it is a raised eyebrow, the crinkle of the corner of their eyes. Those eyes make me smile. Truth be told, I try to be that set of eyes – smiling – as much as I can. If I can't hug you hello, I can at least hug you with my eyes.

Still, it's sometimes hard. I teach at a university. The students and I have to wear masks, whether we are indoors or outside. So, I watch their eyes. I can see when someone is nodding off, trying hard to keep their eyes open (mine are afternoon classes – the kiss of death for staying awake.) I can see when they are watching what I am saying. But I am an animated person when I speak, and I quickly realized I needed to get a face shield to make it easier for me to speak (I'd be hoarse by the end of both classes from talking louder) and easier for them to see my expressions. And, since I also teach on Zoom at the same time, easier for those students to hear me. (For those of us who wear glasses, the face shield also helps avoid the “fog up.”)

As I said at the beginning, I intend to keep wearing my masks. And I want to give others something to smile about, so I'm going to find some fun masks, interesting masks. I have a friend who smokes cigars and his makes it look like he’s doing just that! I particularly like masks that are colorful or that support a team or school. Mine are tropical prints from Margaritaville! I have complimented folks on their masks, and I see their eyes light up just a bit. My son and daughter-in-law have put push-pins in the wall and hung dozens of masks at eye level for my grandkids. Each day as they head to school they pick the mask they want to wear. And they wear them! I’m really liking that idea...