The Blank Page

A good friend and mentor of mine has a writing group she calls The Blank Page. She would send weekly prompts to our online private Facebook group. The idea is to use the prompt to jumpstart an idea, a thought, a viewpoint. And it works. Some participants write poetry, others a short story. I would usually write an essay of sorts – mostly first-person, and always with the thought that I would share the result here. It got me in the habit of setting aside time to write every day. I liked the process so much I signed up for back-to-back groups. I met interesting people. I got and gave support and suggestions. I’m still connected to everyone. Still sharing.

When it was all over, I felt ready to commit to writing on a regular basis. I constantly write down ideas (like the prompts) in a small book when something strikes me. It could be a sign I see, or my grandkids, a birthday, or workmen putting new floors in my office. You never know when an idea might strike that could become a starting point on a blank page.

I still have the best of intentions. I can set aside time to do it. I can use my laptop or a lined pad of paper. The pens stand at the ready. So why don’t I do it every day? Good question.

It is more then just creating a new habit. I know how to do that. I did that when we committed to working out with a trainer three times a week. I did that when I decided to singularly focus on helping nonprofits with their strategic planning through my business. I read every day. With each of those I can see results. I can lift more weights and am able to keep up with the grands. Implementing new plans has immediate and long-term positive effects for organizations. I finish one book and start another. So what is it about writing?

That damn blank page.

I laugh when I hear a writer say – I write for myself, I don’t really care what others think. Hah! I believe we write to express something that is important – at least to us. So, logic would dictate that we have to care.  Perhaps we want to give folks a chuckle. Or talk about something that others can see in their lives, too. It could be that we are trying to convince ourselves (and others.) Maybe tell a story that does all of the above.

But where to start? Like strategic planning, there is a first step, then a second, then a third. Like training, you start at one level of ability and expand from there. Like reading a book – you turn to page one.  But while those activities have a measurable end in sight, writing might not. And that’s okay.

One of the best things I took away from The Blank Page was the concept that it is okay to just write. No crossing out, no editing. Put thoughts on paper (or screen) and let them live there for a bit. Walk away and then later, reintroduce yourself to the words waiting for you. Be willing to follow where those words take you and not be upset that the original intended direction has left the building. It is one of the most creative art forms. As frustrating as it can be sometimes, I really love it. And if that’s the case, I’m crazy not to pursue it.

So here it goes. I’m committing to writing every day. Whether it’s a sentence, a paragraph, some scribbles or a blog post. I’m committing to posting something to Let Me Get My Shoes at least twice a month. (Hey, I’m realistic – life and work get in the way sometimes.) Okay. It’s out there now. Just like showing up for workouts, staying on a diet, or agreeing to teach a class – writing will also take a priority position in my life. You can hold me to it.

[If you’re interested in The Blank Page (which I highly recommend) or any of Dawn Leas’ writing groups you can find her at thehammockwriter.com and on facebook.com/dawn.colangeloleas.]

93-3

No, that's not a lopsided football score. It's the oldest and youngest ages of the people in my life. I'm at that wonderful time of life where I thought I would have more control over my days and activities. I'm "semi-retired," only working with two clients at a time. My health is good (well, except for knees that creak a bit, a little extra weight, and everyone once in a while needing a nap.) And I'm looking forward to checking things off the "retirement bucket list." Then there's the reality of my life.

I had to laugh the other day. I was at my Mom's, and we were getting ready to head to a doctor's appointment. Mom got settled in the front seat, and I wheeled her walker around to the back of the car. As I started to collapse it, I noticed the car seats in the car's second row and, just beyond, Mom's white hair with her purple streak. It cracked me up. I quickly and quietly took a picture with my phone – car seats and walkers. That says it all, doesn't it?

These are the "herd of turtles' days. (A term we adopted when my Mom, sister, and I took a riverboat cruise in France several years ago, and we were always the ones bringing up the rear.) Each generation goes through the same thing – but our parents are living longer than ever before. They are part of the greatest generation – independent, strong, no-nonsense folks. They are the ones who always looked after others, helping to raise a passel of kids, being there for neighbors and friends in times of need, sickness, or celebration. Now they are the ones who need a little help, and it's hard for them to accept it. (My mother-in-law was appalled when younger members of a group she has long belonged to baked cookies for her– "someone else needs these more than I do!"

So, I walk alongside and just slightly behind our Moms – with a hand ready to steady a misstep – as we head to doctors' appointments, a Mother's Day brunch, or get outside for some fresh air. Conversations are always interesting and sometimes far-ranging as the filters have definitely come off! Current events and days long ago. Long-term memories are so detailed, but things talked about ten minutes ago sometimes lost. As abilities shrink, the world is frustrating for them, and me as I can't change the reality.

I keep thinking that this will be me someday. And I vow not to be as anxious, frustrated, living in the past, trying to do too much, or doing too little. But I probably will. (And since my filters are already starting to wear away – look out!) I can only hope that my kids will be patient and willing to hang in there with me.

This brings me to the other end of the spectrum – the grands. Far from being a herd of turtles, they are in constant motion. (Especially the youngest one who is just like his father – a kid we had to put a leash on when visiting theme parks, or he'd just disappear!) They all love to be outside. They are on T-ball, soccer, and lacrosse teams (yes – lacrosse for six-year-olds!) They love school and do well – even with mask-wearing this past year. The oldest (6) has discovered she can read, and the tactic of spelling words we don't want them to hear isn't working anymore. The middle guy (4) wants to do everything his sister does, and the youngest (3) has his own world playing in his head all the time – creating story lines for the cars and trucks he’s driving or the castles he builds.  

Does it sound like I'm bragging? Of course! Isn't that what grandparents are supposed to do? They are my screensaver. They have pushed photos of their parents off the display shelves in the living room. We have stockpiled puzzles, coloring books, games, legos, Tonka trucks, and books (lots of books) for their visits. And they know there's chocolate milk at GMa and Grandpa's house – and maybe a treat after dinner. We love being a part of their lives. No matter how exhausted we are when they head for home.

Can we drop the kids off? Can you take them to/pick them up at school? We're headed to the park, want to join us? Can you babysit? Yes, yes, yes, yes. We don't ever want to say no to spending time with the grands and will rearrange things to be there. Except, of course, for those times when we're taking care of the Moms.

Sandwiched!

 

46 Years

Forty-six years. It's a rare occurrence. For someone to have worked at the same place, doing the same job for 46 years - well, that's just unheard of these days. But when the job isn't a job but a commitment to a belief in the true, the good, and the beautiful - well, that's a whole other story. 

My husband has worked at Wyoming Seminary (a private independent prep school) for all those years and is now getting ready to retire. The amazing thing is that he also attended Wyoming Seminary from first grade through senior year in high school. (He went on to Bucknell University for four years but then returned to Northeastern Pennsylvania to work at the school.) Except for a brief stint in the Admissions office, he has been the development and advancement person for the school for 45+ years. For those who aren't familiar with the vernacular - that means he's been raising money for the school all that time. 

But wait, there's more! His family home is situated in the middle of the campus. You see, the house was there before many of the school buildings that now surround it were built. (The school recently celebrated its 175th anniversary.) His great grandfather built the home, and the family had occupied it until last July when we moved off-campus in anticipation of his retirement. (His parents had given the house to the school in 1997, and at that point, we were in "faculty housing.") 

His father, sister, uncles, and cousins all attended Sem. His children attended, and now his grandchildren are also. His father and grandfather were the school doctors for decades besides having their private practice in the home. To say our family and Sem are intertwined would be the understatement of the century! 

Now I've only been around since 1976, arriving from north Jersey to a decidedly different world than where I grew up. There were certain ways of doing things - a dress code, sit-down dinner in the dining hall with students at the table, the Faculty Wives Club (shudder).  The school was (and is) all about tradition. Annual events to attend like class reunions and award dinners. Spring concerts and sporting events. Society Day in the spring. 

Fundraising for a high school is quite different from a college - but it was apparent quickly that those who support the school do so fervently. Tales are told (and embellished) when alums get together, and each says the school taught them how to learn and that has served them well throughout their lives.  

Travel is part of the job, and I tagged along. Annual trips to Florida in March and bi-annual trips to the west coast included lunches and dinners with alums and donors. Fun but exhausting back-to-back days. Along the way, I met so many great people, interesting people, amazing people from all walks of life. CEOs, artists, activists, writers, entrepreneurs, teachers - Sem alums are an amazingly diverse group. 

Back on campus, our house was the scene of parties and gatherings. Groups of classes would convene for cocktails and conversation before going off to their separate reunions. Small dinners were held in our living room, kick-off events for the annual campaign, and even a harp recital. We probably had hundreds of events in our house and got it down to a system that worked! Food always in the same place, flowers on the same tables, and since Alumni weekend always seemed to fall on it - the Kentucky Derby on the TV in the family room for those who wanted to watch. 

But living on campus also meant that we were, quite literally, in the middle of the school. Privacy was at a premium. Sitting on the screened-in porch, we said hello as faculty and students went by.  The porch was my favorite place to watch everyone line up for graduation as I sipped my morning coffee and waved - I didn't have to attend! I often wonder how our kids survived it. Just think. Your parents live on campus, know all your teachers as friends and colleagues, and we all ate dinner together in the dining hall. There was no getting away from it. Messing up was not an option!

We decided to move off-campus last year rather than do that and retire at the same time. I'd say it was a good decision. It has allowed us to settle into new digs, set up our home offices, and start stepping away from the day-to-day of campus life. Of course, Shaf is still working every day onsite at school and checking the mail each weekend to process donations in a timely manner, but when COVID hit, at least he had a comfortable place to set up shop at home. 

Of course, COVID wrecked plans to do a "farewell tour" for my husband. He would have had the opportunity to head to Florida, California, Arizona, as well as some places closer to home like Washington, D.C., Baltimore, Boston, and others to see the folks he had gotten to know over the years and introduce the new Vice President for Advancement at the same time. This spring is also his 50th class reunion (which he thought would be a good time to retire), but that won't happen on campus either. Instead, this year he has spent countless hours on the phone and Zoom - in particular, raising funds to convert the family home into the Shafer Alumni and Development Center (a wonderful tribute to him and his family's legacy to the school.) He is also making sure all the information that lives in his head makes it onto paper for posterity. 

It will be strange for him to no longer have to head to the office, check the mail on weekends, or answer texts, emails, and calls at all hours of the day and night. The next time we attend events, it will be as guests and not hosts - how odd! 

Of course, we will still be connected to the school. Our grandkids go there, our son and daughter-in-law work there, and our friends will keep us in the loop. But it will be a turning point, as it is for most who retire. There are lots of unknowns. 

Will we both still work as consultants for a while? Will he get to play more golf? (Let's hope so!) What about traveling to baseball parks across the country (on our bucket list) - will COVID let us do that? We'll have more time for the grands and all of their activities. More time to take care of our Moms. 

But it's probably the simple daily things that will change the most. Do we need to work out at 7 a.m. when we don't have to be at the office? Can we silence the alarm clocks? Will we be able to "work" from home in our respective offices without intruding on each other's space? Maybe go to the grocery store on a day other than Saturday! Will he be able to read for fun again - and cut down that pile of books on the nightstand? Perhaps the chores' responsibility will change - getting the mail, doing the laundry, running the vacuum. Will we find new hobbies? We won't know the answer to any of this until the time comes.

Fortunately, shortly after retirement from Sem, we have the annual shore week at Cape May with the entire family to look forward to. Who knows, perhaps we could stay a couple of extra days…

Neither of us will probably fully retire right now. With Shaf's lifetime of experience, I expect local organizations to seek out his counsel, and I still plan on working on projects with one or two clients and teaching as an adjunct. We both enjoy what we do - so walking away cold turkey might be challenging. But I am hoping as we find new, exciting things to do and see, the pull of "working for a living" will ebb and be replaced by "living for a living."

 

Zoomed Out

That’s me. (And maybe also a little out of focus.) A recent study looked at the impact of being in so many Zoom meetings - the first of many studies I’m sure. Perhaps it IS messing with our psyches. All those eyes staring at us. Seeing ourselves in one tiny block of many. 

Is that what I really look like? Geez. Maybe I should get one of those ring lights, it will help get rid of the bags under my eyes. Who am I kidding - even that won’t help. The tiredness will still come through. I could change the background - but then risk losing part of myself if I move too quickly. (Although, people do seem to get a smile on their faces when they see the tropical background or the Minions popping up from a manhole in the corner.) 

Zooming is intense and it’s boring. In what used to be a “normal” meeting, face-to-face, we could see body language or visual alerts as to what’s going on behind those eyes. Perhaps we’d notice the picking up of a pen to make a note or glances across the table to a co-conspirator. We’d get up to stretch or just change position. Maybe even look out to the window to check the weather. 

Before, you just went to the designated conference room, found your place at the table, set down your coffee, opened a notebook, and clicked a pen. Easy. There’s a pecking order to who sits where, who speaks first, and next. And a table provides separation. Personal space is clearly defined. 

Not so much on Zoom. We’re all sitting eyeball-to-eyeball. Staring and blinking. Checking out what’s behind each other - on the wall or bookshelf. We’re watching as everyone’s eyes search the little boxes to determine who’s talking (unless you have it on Speaker view - but what is the fun in that?) Zoom is invasive. It’s tiring. 

Pre-Zoom, we used to complain about conference calls. People speaking on top of one another. People coming in late and announcing themselves. Attendees forgetting they are on mute. Or maybe using that mute button in order to get multiple things done while the call goes on, and on… (we also used mute to make sure no one could hear when we said what we really thought about the topic at hand.) In fact, it wasn’t considered rude to mute yourself, it was actually appreciated by others on the call. 

With Zoom, we use the chatbox to ask questions instead of interrupting the flow of a meeting. We are expected to mute ourselves until we have something to say - but we don’t have the conference call benefit of being able to do other things, or roll our eyes at dumb statements, or throw up our hands when the conversation goes on yet another tangent.  You see, you really shouldn’t turn off your video during a Zoom call. That’s rude. When you mute in a conference call no one really knows you’re doing it unless you’re called on and not paying attention. When you turn off your video on a Zoom - everyone knows since a block just shows your name. (Some folks have gone to the trouble of creating a staring head that shows up when they turn off their camera But that seems like a lot of work to me.)

During this past year or so, we’ve negotiated new norms of “meeting” online. Important questions such as: Are pets in the background okay? What about kids? Is it okay to go refill your coffee cup, or grab a bottle of water? Should you “raise your hand” to participate or just jump right in? What are the rules for recording a Zoom session? Who decides? Can I use a background during a meeting, and then change it? What about background music? Is it all right to Zoom from the bed, the couch, or the back porch? Should I use a laptop, tablet, or my phone? So many things to consider. No wonder we’re all getting Zoomed out. I know I am.

To be fair, there are some positives to Zoom. I love being able to do workout sessions with our trainer without having to leave the house - heck, as long as we have equipment available (some stretch bands and maybe a set of Val-slides), we can workout wherever we are and never miss a session! Being able to Zoom with family and friends is great! We can be near, even when we’re not. Be honest, did you Zoom with family during the holidays? Did you share some Quarantini’s with friends?  

Zoom is here to stay. For businesses and groups, Zoom (or Google Teams or whatever you’ve been using) cuts down on travel, keeps projects moving, and even when offices open up again, we’ll still be using it. So many have discovered the benefits of working remotely (whether it’s the dining room table or an island tiki bar.) Employees can avoid commuter traffic, have more time to spend with family, and still stay connected with coworkers. Companies can cut down on their office footprints - saving money and energy. 

Let’s face it - as long as there’s internet access - you’re good to go!

(Of course, the digital disparity is a discussion for another time.) 


Nudge

Words are sacred. They deserve respect. If you get the right ones, in the right order, you can nudge the world a little.”  Tom Stoppard

Nudge. What a great word. It’s one of those words you can “hear” when you read it or say it. Give it a little nudge. The implication is that, once nudged, something will move just a bit, but maybe that one little move will be the first in a long trek. 

But what really strikes me in Stoppard’s quote is “if you get the right ones, in the right order…” This is the bane of all writers. We sit down with a blank page in front of us, waiting for a place to start, something to talk about, a story, a question to be posed and answered, an invitation, a challenge, a journey. For a writer, that blank page can be intimidating as hell! “The right words, in the right order.”  Aaarrgh!

I have been part of writing groups, and currently I’m working with a writing coach one-to-one. I highly recommend it. Those of you who know me may think that’s a bit odd. After all, I’ve been “writing” for a living for more than 30 years - ads, scripts, plans, headlines, letters, etc. But this is different. As I’ve been moving more into consulting (which, trust me, still involves writing), I find the inner Writer has started to take over more and more. LIke most new things I try, doing my homework and finding resources (aka brains to pick) is part of my process. Thus the writing coach. 

Every writer I’ve met has their own voice, but we all have the same struggles. Some are novelists, managing to create characters and plot arcs that keep us enthralled with the story. Some write poetry - from haikus to epic stanzas. I’ve learned things from all of them - the most important of which is to - just write! Get something down on that piece of paper (or Word doc). It may be awful. I might have a germ of an idea. And, I’m told, I should write every day - a tall order for me. But one I am working diligently to do. 

I doubt I’ll ever write a novel (my coach says never say never), but I love to read them. Poetry will not come from my hand - but I enjoy someone who does it well. Writers who pen autobiographies amaze me. How hard it must be to select the parts of your life to share. I love when, as I read their words, I can “hear” them talking. 

Short form is best for me, which is why a blog appeals. My hope is to write something that makes a reader smile, or pause, or just think. Life provides those moments to us all the time. I’ve written about the upside down sign that said - Wrong Way; Zoom meeting Bingo; my grandkids' antics; snow and sunshine - you get the idea. There are a million “little things” that happen to us, around us, every day.! Haven’t you ever just stepped back a moment - to take it all in? To marvel at something? Perhaps I’m just more open than most to them - and I like to share

So I’ll keep at it. After all, you know that old joke - 

“How do you get to Carnegie Hall?”

“Practice, practice, practice.” 

PS.

My coach recently asked me to write a Flash Fiction Fantasy (aka a really short short-story) I’ve never tried this before. Let me know what you think. 

Double Crochet

“There,” she thought, “it's done.” She really liked this one. Light blues, dark greens, and a hint of silver. This afghan was all double crochet with rows of stitches standing straight and an occasional bubble made by putting four stitches in the space of one. It was those bubbles that held the magic. A tiny piece of silver thread added inside. Running her wrinkly, veined hands over the afghan, she smiled. The next step was the most important. Gathering the afghan around her shoulders, she made her way outside into the moonshine. She wandered down a path in her wildflower, overgrown backyard to a small circle of summer green grass and moss surrounded by the tall pines at the edge of the forest.  Looking skyward through the trees to stars brightly lighting the sky and a sliver of a moon, she took a deep breath, and then another.

She remembered the first time it had happened. The small afghan of multi-colored squares that stirred something in her she couldn’t explain. She listened to what seemed to be directions and encouragement from the wool to this same place. Standing in the opening, the first time was in the fall with leaves crunching underfoot, she knew she had been drawn here by a power, no, a warmth.

Closing her eyes and quieting her mind, she felt an opening to the world. The first time this happened, it felt ominous, but she now knows there is nothing to fear. She can feel the afghan’s weight lifting from her shoulders every so slightly. It was time.

“Made with love, filled with grace, let this blanket bring comfort and peace to a soul alone and in need. Hands to hold, hearts to heal. I summon the spirits within me to share their magic for good.”

She could feel the vibrations of the silver threads. Each absorbing the magic that came from the moon and stars and through her heart. She never knew how long it actually lasted, but eventually the afghan softly landed on her shoulders once again. She wrapped it around giving it and herself an embrace.

Later that day, she headed into town pushing the stand-up grocery cart holding a few possessions. The afghan rested on top. No one gave much thought to the old woman carefully stepping over uneven sidewalk blocks as she made her way to the center of town and the library. A young man, just ahead of her, paused to hold the front door for her. She nodded her thanks and smiled at his bright green eyes. Returning the book she had finished about growing and storing vegetables, she wandered into the stacks to see what would strike her next.

The green-eyed boy was sitting in a carrel, pencil in hand, making marks on a school paper. His hand wavered over the answer choices, his brow furrowed. He sighed, then looked out the window. It was a bright shiny, warm day and the boy was bouncing his leg and repositioning himself in his chair. “Yes,” she thought. The afghan belongs to him.” When he left to stretch his legs, she quietly moved closer to his carrel and left the afghan on his chair. Just as quietly she pushed her cart to the front door and out into sunshine.

The boy returned and sat down without looking, before realizing there was an afghan on his chair. Had he not seen it earlier? Where did it come from? Picking it up to move it out of the way he thought “I’ll turn it in when I leave.” 

The afghan, however, had other ideas. Each time the boy tried to hang the afghan on the back of the chair or put it on the desk of the carrel, it slipped and fell to the floor. Finally, getting frustrated, the boy grabbed the blanket and put it in his lap. It wasn’t long before he began to feel more comfortable. His leg stopped bouncing. The fidgeting stopped and he quickly started to complete the tasks on the school sheet. With the pencil in his left hand and his right hand on the afghan, he felt himself smiling. And he hadn’t done that in quite a while. 

He looked at the afghan. Was his sense of calm coming from the afghan? He set it aside. But he couldn’t take his eyes from it. Did he hear it softly humming? Was he going crazy? His world was a topsy-turvy one – full of disappointments, no friends, a strange new home, and a step-mother he just couldn’t call Mom. The afghan seemed to know all that and was telling him it would all be all right.

He closed his workbook and piled it and his pencils into his backpack. Then he looked at the afghan. “I don’t know who left you here, but I’m going to take you home,” he mused. The afghan fit snugly in the top of his backpack and when he hefted it to his shoulders, he started humming.

Down the street, the old woman was almost home. She couldn’t see the boy leaving the library, but gave a little nod and a smile.


Unique

Cherish forever what makes you unique, ‘cuz you’re really a yawn if it goes.”
Bette Midler

Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a Bette Midler fan. She is a multi-faceted human being - and she embraces who she is (singer, actress, activist). Her quote above gave me a chuckle because she’s about as unique as they come. 

What about the rest of us? Are we unique because of the way we dress? The color of our hair? Perhaps we’re very tall and literally stand out in a crowd. Those are visual clues to our individuality, but do they make us unique? 

A piano virtuoso. An astronaut. The karate champion. A poet. (Amanda Gorman comes to mind – if you don’t know who she is, Google it. And then read about her amazing twin sister Gabrielle!) 

Does what we do make us unique - for the folks I’ve listed above - probably yes. We look at them and think - “How cool!” “They have a gift.” “I’m in awe.”

We are all guilty of making assumptions. Based on a physical attribute (the tall person plays basketball), a career or vocation (mechanics are good with their hands), or a situation (everyone on this Zoom is bored to tears.)

But let’s think a minute about the times when we’ve been surprised when we find out that the minister who preaches on Sundays is a member of a rock band on Saturday nights. Or the quiet accountant who also sings karaoke with gusto or entertains a crowd at open-mic night. What about the school principal who retires and decides to go on photographic safaris – and he’s really good! And the engineer who rides a unicycle? Each of these (and I’m sure you can think of more) are unique because they are a surprise. Very often our response is – “I didn’t know they were into that!” “What a hoot!”

So many of us are experiencing the pandemic pause. Suddenly we have time, because we are at home more, to do projects or explore. There was the puzzle phase. Companies couldn’t keep them in stock as families worked together to pass the time. (I’ll admit to being part of this crowd – I think we did a dozen 1,000 piece puzzles in as many weeks!)

 Many became chefs! Or at least tried to. Lots of sourdough bread makers and air fry enthusiasts. (No, I passed on these two.) People were cleaning out closets, organizing workroom and fitness spaces.(Yes on these two.) Some of it was to gain a sense of control – some to pass the time.

For me, it was, and still is, crocheting.

I know, I know. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard – “I didn’t know you were a craft person.” Well, I am. Freshman year in college (Bucknell) my roommate showed me how to crochet. (She is right-handed, I’m lefty – so I learned to crochet right-handed.) I grabbed leftover wool from my Mom’s knitting projects and made the ubiquitous Granny Square afghan. You know the one – many  8” squares of mismatched colors with a black border holding it all together. Well, that one has long since fallen apart, but I was hooked (crochet pun intended.) 

Since the start of the pandemic I’ve made eight afghans – some small (grandkid size), some simple (all double-crochet stitches), some more elaborate (Fisherman style patterns.). I’ve found new patterns to try, and I’ve kept my local yarn shop on speed dial. (They are so terrific – they wind the skeins for me, which is such a help when there are two dozen of them!)

For someone everyone knows as a “go-go-go” person, crocheting may seem like an unlikely choice. But not really. There is a challenge in deciphering a new pattern and learning new stitches. (FPDC and BPDC - front or back post double crochet, Bobble stitches.) I’m constantly checking to make sure I have the right number of stitches in each row and I try to keep a consistent tension on the wool as I thread it over the crochet hook into the next stitch. 

There is a sense of accomplishment as the afghan takes shape- growing in size horizontally or vertically with each additional row. (I don’t do anything but afghans – no dumb doilies for me!) Thus far, I’ve only used one color for each afghan, letting the patterns be the focus. But I did just find a baby afghan pattern that calls for a rotation of pastel colors for each double crochet shell row. A pink row, a yellow row, a blue row and a green row. Maybe I’ll give that one a try. 

Crocheting forces me to sit down and pay attention to the task at hand. I’ve found I like sitting in my chair near the deck windows where the light is brightest (old eyes…) with music in the background or maybe watching a Netflix series. My mind relaxes for a moment. I’m sure my blood pressure settles. I can pause when I like. I can pick it up again. It’s soothing in a way. I may never be able to truly meditate (my mind won’t shut completely off) – this is a close as I get.

Just don’t try talking to me when I’m counting stitches – I’m only going to count louder.


Best Job of Your Life

I am a fortunate person. Blessed in so many ways. I wake every morning in a place that feels like it's always been home, although we only moved to a short time ago. Comfortable. Cozy. A perfect space. The loft office where I pass each day is bright with natural light and has room for my office toys and favorite paintings. 

Steve Jobs once said (paraphrasing here), "the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it." I so agree. 

I've gone from banker to business owner. From just me to a staff of ten, to only me again. Projects have been considerable (major event planning) to tiny (blog writing), from new product rollouts to website launches; strategic planning to seminar speaking. These days, I can be selective in the projects and people I choose to work with. I understand how some people can't think of retiring. So much of ourselves is tied up in what we do. But, in reality, every one of us has multiple jobs. Student. Sibling. Spouse. Confidante. Cheerleader. Caregiver. Parent. Protector. Planner. The list goes on. I'm currently a teacher, but I'm adding new roles of writer and retiree. 

We'll be celebrating our 45th anniversary this summer. A cruise with the family was originally on the horizon (we've been on quite a few over the years), but those plans have been put away. Instead, we'll gather the troops in Cape May at Magnolia Place (where we have been vacationing the past few summers - I told you, I'm so lucky.) And that's the job that is most important to me - family. 

All of those jobs above? Most are all rolled up in the role of Ma. I won't embarrass my sons with tales of their escapades as they grew from toddlers to teens to the terrific men they are. But I will say that I'm proud of them and their families - how they have embraced the world, used their talents and hearts to grow and love. I was always outnumbered - but when their wives joined the family, we evened the odds. 

But here's the kicker. With no offense intended to anyone else in the family - the best job of my life has been the role of GMa. 

Friends had always told us it was the best time of your life, but you really wouldn't understand that until it happened. They were right. We are in the enviable position to have our three grands nearby. They are 5 ½, four, and about to be 3. The new roles we play are - babysitter, book reader, block builder, grilled cheese sandwich or mac & cheese maker, lullaby singer, and sometimes wrangler. We've added car seats and a bucket of books to the car. Booster seats at Sunday dinners and non-spill cups the order of the day. We laugh at their jokes and antics. Marvel at their ability to use technology (already!) 

And then COVID hit. Or as the grands refer to it - the germs. 

"We can't be together until the germs go away." “Where's your facemask GMa?"  

Storytime moved to Zooms as we slowly built our "bubble." The same for Sunday dinners (we ate a similar menu, just online!) Now I understand many grandparents don't get to see their grandchildren, for whom Facetime and Zoom are the norms. But it sure hit us hard. So close and yet so far. As all of us moved to online learning, the bubble became stronger. We visited, with masks on, but at least we could be together. But with GG (great-grandma) as part of our daily responsibility, we remain cautious. 

 Fortunately, the cavalry is coming. My husband, son, and daughter-in-law have already received their first vaccination (I think every teacher/educator should be moved up the list in every state!), and I will get my first mid-February. (made it into that 65+ group. Guess AARP isn't the only benefit of being a senior - yet another job title.) We've made it this far - another month or so is definitely doable. 

Once things are back to "normal," I plan on enjoying every aspect of my GMa job. We're looking forward to them visiting and staying overnight. We'll plan trips to museums and movies. There will be games of checkers and more puzzles to complete. As my hubby and I start to check things off on our retirement list (a conversation for another day), we'll bring back souvenirs and memories to share. 

I know how lucky I am. 

 

Small Steps

"Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step in your life. Tiptoe if you must, but take a step.
Naeem Callaway, Founder and CEO of Get Out The Box Inc., a 501(c)(3) Non-Profit Organization dedicated to educating and mentoring at-risk youth in low income and rural communities.

A small step. 

 How many of us decide on a goal - "lose 20 pounds," "workout every day," or pay off credit card debt?" Every one of them will make our lives better, healthier, happier. As we all know, the issue is that these are just too large to wrap our heads around. Lose 20 pounds - sure, how? Pay off debt - yes, how? And, of course, we all want instant success! Immediate gratification! Rewards for our sacrifice! What we've probably done is set ourselves up for failure.  

Tiptoe.

Instead of waffles for breakfast, have eggs. Do one lap around the neighborhood and worry about push-ups later. (Or never, if I had my way.) Keep track of how many days in a row you don't use that credit card. Small steps. And give yourself time - time to make these changes a regular part of your life. Time to see results. It's not easy when we are programmed to tick items off the to-do list and pack as much as we can into every day. Give yourself time to breathe. 

I am not preaching. I promise.  It's the conversation I've been having with myself since January 1st. I've made myself look at the things I do daily with a critical eye. Do I really need to have 8 tabs open when I boot up the computer? When I realized that a couple of them were major "time-sucks" in my day, I changed the settings—a small step.

Do I need to watch an hour of MSNBC at lunchtime? Nope. (Well, only if there is something really important going on…) Instead, I'll focus on eating something healthy.

Is finishing the New York Times crossword puzzle necessary to the start of my day? Hmmm…some habits are going to be harder to change. After all, doing a crossword puzzle is good for your brain, right? The question is, why do I have to do it right then? Maybe move it to lunchtime while I'm munching on that piece of healthy fruit?

Why is it that I think my brain stops to function creatively after 3 p.m.? It's not true - just something I've told myself. Gotta jettison that! I could undoubtedly do paperwork then or reading/research for a class and work back towards using the afternoon to jot down topic ideas or revisit an essay started months ago. 

 How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. (Thank you, Desmond Tutu.) What may be daunting can be accomplished if we let ourselves celebrate incremental changes. It's one of the concepts James Clear uses in his book Atomic Habits. As he says in Chapter 1, - "Small changes often appear to make no difference until you cross a critical threshold. The most powerful outcomes of any compounding process are delayed. You need to be patient." 

I didn't eat that cookie. I wrote for 20 minutes. I organized a shelf in the basement.
Small steps. But steps nonetheless. 

2021 - Get it Together

I know you’re new at this, but 2021, please take a deep breath, pause, and start again. You see, there are a lot of us who are counting on you. We could not wait to kick 2020 out the door, and we’ve set some great expectations for the next 12 months.

We got through the holidays – most of us safe and sound, but not all. And it was such a weird experience trying to replicate our traditional gatherings over Zoom. We still played games - sitting in front of computers instead of sitting in chairs or being on the living room floor. We opened presents and thanked each other through the cameras on our laptops and tablets. We managed, knowing full well that if we adjusted just this once, we could hopefully all gather in the new year with everyone at the table, healthy and happy.

 I had decorated the house immediately after Thanksgiving wanting the sense of “joy” of the holidays. But I will admit I “de-Christmased” the house faster than ever. Packed it all away, back on the designated shelves downstairs—wreaths here, ornaments here, garland here.

I also cleared out the 2020 files. I shredded a lot of it in a sort of ritual cleansing. The file drawer closes easily now sans a couple of reams of paper! The new folders are ready to be filled. Pertinent information is gathered for taxes. Calendars updated and new schedules posted. 2020 is no more. 2021 is up next!

2020 wore me down. It took away so much fun, so much life, so much happiness. We’ve lost friends and family and crossed fingers and toes for others to recover. We hunkered down and tried to stave off the isolation. Worry was a constant. Every call and email began with - how are you?  Sleep, sometimes elusive. Enough!

I’m not one for resolutions. Instead, someone suggested choosing a word for the year. So I have – commit. I’m committing to eating better. I’m committing to writing more. I’m committing to finding some zen (a topic for another day.) Of course, I’m already committed to my client’s projects, and the class I’m teaching (how to teach advertising asynchronously is also a topic for another day.) 

2021 – we know we’re putting a lot on your shoulders. Don’t go looking in the past – there’s nothing to see there. You’re in charge of bringing hope, sanity, and yes, peace. Now I know that’s a tall order – but you’re young! YOU CAN DO THIS! You’re going to make mistakes (don’t get me started on the activities of the last week), but you can learn from them. Make adjustments and corrections. Then keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Many of us have started making plans, 2021. We’re looking forward to the shot in the arm (literally and figuratively) that’s coming our way. We’ve put down the deposit on the summer house. We’re planning trips to family summer weddings and graduations. Next Christmas  - we’ll let’s just say we plan on celebrating for several months. (Might even keep the decorations up until Valentine’s Day.)

2021 keep your head up and watch your step. There are still pitfalls, quagmires, and hills to climb. Scraped knees are inevitable. Headaches are part of the job. Keep a keen eye out for “Murphy.” You’re not in this alone. We’ll be there, right next to you. Let us know when you need help. Remind us that there is good in the world. I commit to listen. If you trip, we’ll set you back on track. When you’re afraid – we’ll scare off the boogieman. It’s not going to be easy. But each day you’ll get stronger. And so will we.

 

A Good Talking To

Me: Okay, time to hit the to-do list! It's a quiet day. It's going to rain. You can get a lot done.- Let’s go!

Also Me: You know, you’re right. Already got my workout in, did the crossword puzzle. I’m ready to get started. Let me just get one more cup of coffee and I’ll be right there.

Me: Where did you go?

Also Me: Had to throw a load of wash in. Those workout clothes are really stinky, ya know? Threw some stuff in the recycling bin, cleaned up the breakfast dishes. But I’m ready now.

Me: It's about time. Fire up that laptop!

Also Me: Let’s see, what’s first. Grading final papers. That will take some time. And I’ll need room for “read” and “to be read” piles. But there’s so much stuff on my desk. I should organize the piles and file some of it away first. Of course, it's close to the end of the year, so the file drawer is pretty full. Maybe I should set up the shredder and clean out some of the files to make room. And I need to set up a calendar for the new year. Yes, I work online, but I love having an actual calendar on my desk open to the current week. I should write in everyone’s birthdays and anniversaries…

Me: Yo! Focus here! When do you have to have the grades in?

Also Me: December 14th.

Me: Then grading papers isn’t at the top of the priority list, is it?

Also Me: Guess not. But let me check to see if my students have questions about the feedback I gave them. It’ll just take a second. I don’t want to leave them hanging.

Me: What’s taking so long?

Also Me: Had to read the COVID update from the college and then checked the latest numbers on the NYT site. Okay, so I played a quick game of Sudoku, returned some emails, and checked on today’s woot.com deals. Found an oversized umbrella perfect for our deck. The afternoon sun bears down on it every afternoon making it too hot to enjoy it. I might just have to order it...

Me: (Sigh) The to-do list?

Also Me: Oh that, yeah. There’s a bunch of things on it. Writing copy for a website, reviewing video footage (hours of it) to select the shots we’re going to use in the final piece, and scheduling headshots for a client.

I also need to call a friend of mine whose birthday was yesterday. Sure I sent her a Happy Birthday greeting on Facebook, but I really should call her since we haven’t spoken in a while. The last time she called I was just getting ready to start a class. And that’s another thing on the list. I have to rework my advertising class in order to teach it fully online in the spring semester. I’ve never done that before, and I’m not sure how to use Blackboard fully, so I’ll need to do some research. But really, how do you teach a class about advertising when there’s no way to discuss the newest ads out there? I think I’m going to ask the group if they would/could meet on Zoom once a week at least. We’ll see.

Me: (Snapping fingers) Bring it back! Bring it back! You’ve taken a couple of left turns there.

Also Me: Hang on a minute. The dryer just stopped.

Me: (foot tapping)

Me Also: Okay I’m back. Sorry that took so long. Got everything folded, then my sister called to give me an update on my cousin and her husband who were both in the hospital with COVID. They are both finally home after two weeks and seem to be doing well. I have fingers, toes, and eyes crossed.

Me: Take a deep breath. Now…

Also Me: Hang on. Amazon just dropped stuff at the door. I ordered a bunch of things for the grandkids…hmmm, not everything is here. I’d better check the shipping email to see what’s up.

Me: That can wait!

Also Me: You’re right, you’re right. I have the folder open with the background on the website I need to write copy for. It’s a really unique product, I’m going to have fun with this. I’ll start with the product page. I can use some information I’ve already written for their brochure – that’s a good place to start.

Me: How’s it going?

Also Me: Don’t interrupt me.

Me: (Jeopardy music) I don’t hear any typing.

Also Me: I had to return a text about a Zoom tomorrow. And I got a couple of emails from friends sending me holiday drink recipes! I told you about that right? By popular demand, I’m doing 25 days of drinks this year for my annual countdown. So far I have Sugar Cookie Martinis, a Maple Bourbon Smash, Spicy Pickled Bloody Marys, a Vermouth Buck, and a Pomegranate Spritz! Cool huh? I think I’ll add an Egg Nog and a hot chocolate recipe too.

Me: Hello? Hello?

Also Me: What a killjoy you are!

Me: So what is next on the list?

Also Me: I think I’m going to bake some cookies. The list will still be here tomorrow.

Me: True but...

Also Me: Don’t worry. You know I always get everything done!

It's Okay

What a long, long year 2020 has been. I guess that is an understatement, but as we move towards the holidays it’s really hitting home. I don’t think one person has been spared some troubles during this year. We’ve lost loved ones, lost jobs, lost opportunities, lost communities.

And social media is no substitute for getting together to watch a game, having Sunday dinner with the grandchildren, or attending a performance at a local theater. (But we have discovered Zoom.) We’re tired. We’re sad sometimes. Hopeful others. We still can laugh, sing, and smile (even behind our masks.) Yes, we need to be realistic about the challenges we still face in the world, but I would suggest that a positive, caring attitude can help us meet them.

I would never presume to speak for everyone else, but I’m ready to be okay. It’s time.

So, let’s start with the holidays. If there’s one thing I love – it’s tradition! Thanksgiving morning family football games (mostly held to keep everyone out of the kitchen while the bird is being prepped), watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade, everyone around the table stuffing themselves with stuffing and candied yams. And don’t forget the pies – pumpkin, mince, apple or blueberry! Thanksgiving naps in front of the TV while “watching” the game. I’m sure you have many other customs in your family. I love the familiarity of it. It grounds me. I know what to expect and count on it.

Perhaps not this year.

Over the river and through the woods to grandmother’s house we go – or maybe she lives next door, or perhaps a time zone away. Whether by sled, car, train, or plane, gathering for Christmas has always been the bookend of the year. And talk about traditions! Maybe you go to mass on Christmas Eve and then return home to open just one present. All month long leading up to the 25th decorations have been arranged, baking aromas fill the kitchen, cards mailed, and presents wrapped. Some love the insanity that is Christmas shopping. Others enjoy meeting with friends to exchange a holiday hug and share hot cocoa. Christmas carols – traditional, modern, acoustic or symphonic – play on the radio. (But don’t even think of playing Dominic the Donkey or Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer!) Yes, it is the most wonderful time of the year.

But it may be different this year.

5..4…3…2…1! Happy New Year! We toast the end of the year and the possibilities that a new year brings. This year especially, I think we are all looking forward to flipping the calendar and staring fresh. People used to bang pots and pans at midnight (do they still do that?) Funny hats and confetti everywhere. My brother has been hosting a New Year’s Eve party for almost 40 straight years – a tradition going all the way back to high school times. Some folks prepare special meals ham and cabbage on New Year’s Day (sorry, not my idea of a culinary delight.) Watch more football. The Waterford ball in Times Square drops in New York City on New Year’s Eve and the Mummer’s parade through Philadelphia on New Years Day. Whether you watch on TV or brave the elements to attend in person, these longstanding traditions are part of the start of a new beginning.

But our celebrations may be rethought this year.

And that is okay.

It’s November 12th, but I have already seen homes fully decorated for Christmas. Instead of shaking my head and thinking – man, they are rushing the season – I smiled and thought – that’s okay.

All the folks who are watching as many Hallmark channel Holiday movies as they can– cool! I can’t say I’ve personally watched them, but I know enough to stay out of the way of the movie buffs!

Those who have decided to have lasagna because roasting a turkey for a small group on Thanksgiving just doesn’t make sense (and everyone likes lasagna better anyway) – go for it!

Some are already organizing online caroling, while others have cranked up the streaming Christmas music stations. Why not?

We all deserve a chance to smile after the year we’ve had. And I know there are many differing opinions out there about the upcoming holiday season and what we should or shouldn’t do. Everyone will make their own decisions – and that’s okay too. I plan on doing everything I can to make the holidays ones we will remember. It will be different. But I’m looking forward to sharing virtual meals and hugs this year knowing that we will all be together next year. Maybe getting together in groups of two or three at a time. I know I have to send snickerdoodles to my siblings not matter what - there will be consequences if I don’t! And I think I’ll start decorating. I’m going to arrange all my Santa’s (there are over 100), get the tree up, and start using the Christmas dishes. No bah humbug here!

Each year I do a countdown of posts on my Facebook page. One year I did 25 days of Christmas socks (yes, I have that many pairs), another time it was ornaments, another it was cookie recipes. I’ve been doing it since 2009. I was beginning to run out of ideas, so I asked my Facebook troops to decide between Christmas accessories or Holiday drinks. Given the year we’ve had, it’s probably not a surprise that Drinks won! Can’t wait to start doing some research...ho, ho, ho.

It's So Dark

Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, we get up at 6:30 a.m. to head downstairs to our home gym (aka the sports memorabilia, grandkids play area, pool table room.) It's the only place that has enough space for two oversized yoga mats, assorted dumbbells, a medicine ball, and furniture slides (how else are you supposed to do the body saws?) We fire up the laptop, enter Zoom-world, and work out with our trainer for an hour. And I am always glad I do it because I feel so much better afterward.

But this morning, it was dark. Really dark.

I don't know about you, but waking up when it's still dark outside is a significant obstacle to actually getting out of bed. The birds aren’t even up yet! This morning it was even tougher to jump up. Steady rain added to the gloom. The covers were warm. But the alarm was insistent. I glared at it. It wouldn’t go away. With a sigh, I rolled out of bed, into my workout clothes, and made my way down the steps. Carefully, slowly, quietly. Managing to carry the laptop, my phone, and a bottle of water.

Now I know what you’re thinking. “You live in Northeastern Pennsylvania! It gets darker this time of the year every year!” Yes, I know. You don’t have to go into the full axis-of-the-earth-relative-to-the-sun explanation. I get it, I get it. It makes no difference to me. All I do know is we are heading into the "greys," the time of year when, even if the sun does rise, the overwhelming color of the sky is grey - sometime dark suit grey, sometime pale linen grey. But grey nonetheless. Almost every day. You might be able to see a wisp of a cloud, at other times they are dark and stormy. Those of us who much prefer summer to winter hunker down and hibernate. We secretly open next year’s calendar to see when Memorial Day falls – the official start of summer – and draw stars on the date.

This year more than any other, the darker days of winter are going to be tough. (Who am I kidding – this whole year has been challenging for everyone in so many ways… as one meme I saw online put it – The Year 2020 – ½ star review – would not recommend.) The holidays will be different. Shipageddon! BOPIS! Black Friday sales are starting now! Figuring out if traveling interstate will require a quarantine. Wanting to see family and wanting to keep them safe. But we will see it through.

You see, there's a significant day in December. No, not Christmas. Monday, December 21st. The winter solstice. From then on, the hours of daylight get longer, little by little, but longer each day. Just knowing that fact helps me get through January – the longest, bleakest month of them all. I know it has thirty-one days like many other months, but those thirty-one have none of the excitement of anticipating the holidays or feeling that we’ve turned the corner towards spring. (And all you winter sports enthusiast, don’t bother to leave a comment as it will fall on deaf ears. Sorry.)

Until then, I’m going to do my best to ignore the darkness in the morning. I’ll cheerily great our trainer with a “Peachy keen!” when he asks how we’re feeling and remember that he has already done a session at 5:45 a.m.!

And hey! We get to fall back this weekend! An extra hour to sleep in and dream of a summer morning when the sun has gotten up before have. When the coming warmth of the day is encouragement to hop out of bed. And when blue skies and puffy white clouds are a great start to the day.

Right Way, Wrong Way, Another Way

One of my favorite Yogi Berra witticisms is, “If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll end up someplace else.”

Figuring out where we are going has become a game of whack-a-mole lately. You think you’re on the right track and then –wham– something changes, and you're either back to the drawing board, retracing steps, heading on a new path, or maybe just pushing forward anyway. I guess it depends on how flexible or bull-headed you are.

I’m a planner, and a planner must be a bit of both. If you don’t stick to the plan (bull-headed), things are bound to go off the rails. But you also have to be flexible and plan for Murphy showing up. So, I do have the To-Do list, the grocery list, and think about the most efficient route to get all the errands done. I have lesson plans for my classes. Schedules for my clients. Self-imposed deadlines to finish a project or meet my mileage goal on the treadmill (a relatively new addition to my world). I like being able to check things off and get it all done. By now, I’d be looking to buy Christmas cards and checking the calendar to determine when the family gatherings will be occurring. For the last ten years, I have done Christmas posts each day in December (ornaments, recipes, wreaths, cookies, books, songs, etc.). I usually start in October, thinking about what new category to use this year. (Maybe ten years is enough…) But things haven't been going according to plan this year, have they?

Celebrations have been rescheduled or canceled. Traditions upended. Vacations moved to backyards. Long-planned trips put on hold. Fundraising and social events moved online as well as work and school. It’s been hard for most as we’ve lost the comfort of the known. And the unknown is scary.

The Olympics have been pushed back a year. Fourth of July celebrations subdued. Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade has been “reimagined” - no marching bands from across the country, no volunteers guiding balloons. And New York City will have a “virtual” New Year Eve in Times Square.

Is there a right way to do all of this? A wrong way? Without getting into politics (I mean it – no choosing sides here), I’d like to suggest we focus on finding another way. You see, I think ending up someplace else is fine.

As I mentioned before, I’m a planner. But when things are out of my control, I’m also a “go with the flow” person. If I’m stuck in a traffic jam, I just turn up the music. When my classes went virtual in a matter of days, I adjusted and adapted. And next semester, when the business department at the college where I teach is no longer using adjuncts due to a decline in the number of students, I’ll figure out something else to do with my Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. No Sunday dinners with the grandkids? Let’s all make the same menu and share it over Zoom. I guess it’s the difference between being a planner and being a control freak. Planning allows for adjustments.

[Please know, I am not making light of the impact of this year on our psyches. Isolation, depression, health concerns, and worry about the future are genuine issues and exacerbated when we do not have control. I feel it too. And I know I am so lucky in my life.]

Taking the "road less traveled" can (with a nod to Robert Frost) indeed make all the difference. Finding another way may lead to new traditions, inventions, and connections. When we are forced to reconsider what we know to be true, the result can be truly amazing. An online fundraising event can be just as successful - without the chicken dinner. We, perhaps, see that we don’t need all that “stuff” we buy. We reconnect with local Mom & Pops and realize how important they are to our community. And yet, we will probably still hold onto some of those old truths and traditions.

I’m still going to listen to Alice’s Restaurant on Thanksgiving. And I’ll probably figure out what to post every day in December. I’ll package up cookies well in advance to send to relatives, and maybe we'll do Christmas caroling on Zoom. Right way, wrong way. Let’s find another way. And in the words of Yogi, “when you come to a fork in the road, take it!”

A Full Moon, A Mum, and Other Signs...

There will be a full moon on October 31st this year – yes, that's right, a full moon on Halloween. I'm sure it has happened before and will happen again, but with all weirdness of 2020, it's just one more thing tickling our brain. Add to that the need to curtail trick-or-treating because of the need to social distance - well, let's just say this Halloween will be one to remember. Like the Memorial Day and 4th of July, that weren't and the summer vacation in our backyard. At this point, I’m with the folks who want to move on to Thanksgiving and Christmas. Two days where we remember all that is important to us and maybe take a bit of a breather from thinking constantly about COVID.

We will keep putting one foot in front of the other. It's hard some days. But then something happens that gives us pause – and hope. The other day I came home to a beautiful mum - buds unopened, sitting on our front porch. It took a moment to realize it was sitting alongside the other mums (also not yet opened). Puzzled, I picked it up and found a business card from the manager at a local bank. No note of explanation, just the card. I watered it along with the others, smiling at the good vibes this surprise gave me.

The next day I emailed the manager to thank her. I wondered what we had done to warrant this lovely gift. Her reply said: "The mum was given to you as a part of our Random Act of Kindness program- the Bank likes to do good things for the folks that live within our community. I am so glad it brightened your day." It certainly did.

Things like that happen all the time –in more subtle ways - but many times, we're just not paying attention to the signs. A butterfly lands on flowers being watered. All the lights turn green as we travel on our way. For some, finding a feather or coin is a good sign or perhaps a three-leaf clover. If only for a moment, stopping to appreciate our "good fortune" can change our outlook on the hour, day, week, month in front of us. Of course, stub your toe on the bedframe, drop your coffee, or misplace your keys, and it could portend a lousy day ahead. I try to put those behind me as quickly as I can.

I have a lava lamp on my desk. It’s been with me for years, moving from office to office, desk to desk. I've given it magical powers. If I turn it on and the bubbles of lava are small and sporadic, I become wary of a tough day ahead -technology glitches, problems with the car, being late for a meeting...you get it. But, if the lava is smooth, flowing, and in large globs moving serenely up and down, then all is right with the world, and I dive into my to-do list without hesitation. Silly? Oh yeah. But I swear it really happens. (I even had colleagues at work coming in to check on the lamp…)

Perhaps we attach too much to signs. After all, full moons happen every month, birds lose their feathers, coins fall out of pockets. Maybe we're all just searching for a way to make sense of the chaos. This year has been so challenging in so many ways, with so many things out of our control. Finding signs might help put it all in perspective. If that is the case, let's keep looking.

 

The Eyes Have It

For those of us who are good at remembering faces and not names… the facemask era has caused panic, stress, and exhaustion. [THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL COMMENTARY! I wear facemasks and will continue to do so. Enough said. Now, if you can get past that, keep reading.]

Six months ago, we all retreated to our homes. There was no venturing out to events, shops, movies, restaurants, or libraries. Essential workers (God love them) headed to their jobs masked up, gloved up. We saw them on television and on social media, and their eyes told the story. Tired eyes. Sad eyes. Caring eyes. Hopeful eyes. There were furrowed brows, heavy eyelids, and marks from additional protective gear. To this day, I am in awe of what they all have done to keep our world going. And wondered again and again how they could work with masks on all day, every day.

Months passed. We learned to Zoom. We found ways to "talk" to each other, see each other's faces, and do the things we'd normally do with family and friends – laugh, share a drink or a joke, play games, commiserate and congratulate, and carry on. It wasn't the same, but it kept us connected. We would read a book to the grandkids with Grandpa holding the book towards the laptop camera and turning the pages as I read from behind the laptop. We texted more, called more. We waved from cars sitting in driveways grateful to see a familiar smiling face.

During those same months, those of us who frequent a salon started to see a change. For me, it was not subtle. I wear my hair extremely short and, with a nod to the gray that was taking over, dyed a silver color. I’m in fairly often to maintain it as my hair grows quickly. Very soon, the curls emerged. Going their own way, unmanageable. I had sections of silver, gray, black. I gave up trying to tame it. Once we began venturing out (but before salons were allowed to reopen), I was out doing errands with my mask. I ran into several people I knew. I'd look their way and smile, but there was no recognition. What to do? Do I embarrass them by calling their name and hoping they realize it's me? What was proper etiquette? Some did figure out who it was after a moment and just laughed – "Your hair!"

We rely on so many visual cues. When it gets changed up – we have to recalculate. (I’m sure you’ve seen the videos on social media of a dad shaving off his beard and scaring his children because they didn’t know who he was!) We recognize people by their face, their voice, their gait, height, their laugh. These days several of those are hidden. Noses, cheeks, and chins are behind cloths. Voices are muffled. Perhaps we've put on the "quarantine 15" (not to be confused with the freshman 15 in college, which was a lot more fun as several people have pointed out.)

Now it all comes down to the eyes. What's that saying..." the eyes are the window to the soul" (thank you, Shakespeare)? It's so true. Our eyes betray our feelings, our interest, our capacity to communicate. If we pay attention, we can learn so much.

Do you look someone in the eyes when you talk to them? I do. Always have. Now, when I speak to someone, there isn’t really any other choice. I see eyes that are fatigued, worried, uncomfortable. I try to commiserate and show compassion – with my eyes, a slight tilt of my head, a nod. I also see happy eyes. Folks are going about their life with an attitude that says – I'm still here, I'm living my life. I'm appreciating every day. Perhaps it is a raised eyebrow, the crinkle of the corner of their eyes. Those eyes make me smile. Truth be told, I try to be that set of eyes – smiling – as much as I can. If I can't hug you hello, I can at least hug you with my eyes.

Still, it's sometimes hard. I teach at a university. The students and I have to wear masks, whether we are indoors or outside. So, I watch their eyes. I can see when someone is nodding off, trying hard to keep their eyes open (mine are afternoon classes – the kiss of death for staying awake.) I can see when they are watching what I am saying. But I am an animated person when I speak, and I quickly realized I needed to get a face shield to make it easier for me to speak (I'd be hoarse by the end of both classes from talking louder) and easier for them to see my expressions. And, since I also teach on Zoom at the same time, easier for those students to hear me. (For those of us who wear glasses, the face shield also helps avoid the “fog up.”)

As I said at the beginning, I intend to keep wearing my masks. And I want to give others something to smile about, so I'm going to find some fun masks, interesting masks. I have a friend who smokes cigars and his makes it look like he’s doing just that! I particularly like masks that are colorful or that support a team or school. Mine are tropical prints from Margaritaville! I have complimented folks on their masks, and I see their eyes light up just a bit. My son and daughter-in-law have put push-pins in the wall and hung dozens of masks at eye level for my grandkids. Each day as they head to school they pick the mask they want to wear. And they wear them! I’m really liking that idea...

Think Outside the Box

Every time I hear this phrase, I roll my eyes. Its usually said by someone who is leading a brainstorming meeting, and they seem to think that it will cause everyone to "be creative" in their thinking. The reality is the leader of the group probably has a preconceived idea of the outcome of the meeting but wants attendees to feel they have "buy-in."

Think Outside the Box started as a puzzle first published in 1914 – the Nine Dot Puzzle. You are presented with nine dots set up in a 3x3 square formation. To solve the problem, you need to join all nine dots by drawing no more than four straight lines. The straight lines must be continuous – i.e., you must not lift your pen from the paper once you start drawing. Most people assume you must stay within the confines of the square. But to solve the puzzle, you must draw lines that extend beyond the dots – thus the phrase Thinking Outside the Box. (A quick note - the solution I show is not the traditional one - but hey, I think outside the box!)

Business management types adopted the phrase in the 1970s and 1980s. It became their go-to (another overused phrase) statement for “let’s get a little crazy,” or “before we go right back to the thing we normally do, let’s pretend to brainstorm” (another one.)

It’s become one of the squares on the Business Jargon Bingo card that many of us play while listening to some expert drone on during a meeting, especially if it is online and the speaker can’t see what you’re doing. (I bet you can figure out some of the other squares – “Low hanging fruit," “give 110%”, “drink the kool-aid," and a personal favorite of mine – “bio break.”)

Full disclosure: I will admit to using go-to and brainstorm as I think they convey actual activities that can produce results. Sometimes the go-to tried-and-true action is precisely right. The go-to person is the one who has the experience needed to move an idea along. I see nothing wrong with using history and established expertise as a means to an end. Brainstorming? When done to challenge the norm or use a collective mind to encourage creativity, the results can be amazing and the process fun! Start with a blank piece of paper and watch the ideas flow!

But Think Outside the Box?

First of all, what box? Is it a cardboard box? Is it sealed up tightly? Or has the top (after determining which side is up) been pulled open to expose what is inside? Who sent it? How did it get here? Is it full of packaging peanuts hiding the actual package buried deep in the bottom corner?

Use any analogy you like – but the box we are supposed to think outside of was put together by someone and sealed tight. So, if we open it up, dump out the packaging material, then open the box inside the box – what have we accomplished? Do we save the box? Or break it down for recycling? If we destroy it, does that mean we can never use it again?

So many questions…but they are all about the box, when what we’re really after is what is in it. (Admit it, you used to dump almost the entire box of CrackerJacks to get at the prize inside, didn't you?)

Businesses love boxes. Organizational charts are full of them with lines to keep us on the right path. Gannt charts show blocks of time chronicling a project’s progress. (I’m more of a Venn diagram person – much more wiggle room.) Blank Excel spreadsheet boxes just beg for you to fill them in. And look at the cubicle farms that fill offices. There, being outside the box is known as prairie-dogging. (You know when everyone pops their head up above the dividers to see what is going on.) Heck, even a corner office is a box of sorts, just with a better view.

Some will argue that having those boxes is necessary. Its how things work. We have to make sure we “check all the boxes” to move forward. Standards processes make it easier to determine success or failure. And that is where the thinking outside the box theory falls apart. Either you're in the box, or you're not. If you step outside the box and play "what if" games and then just return to the safety of the "what I know "area, forgetting all the (possible) good ideas that came out of those “ifs” and nothing changes - what’s the point?

Real innovation assumes there is no box, and maybe there never will be. (I know, heresy!)

Take what is happening in education right now in response to COVID 19. I teach at a local university (adjunct in the Business Department.) My schedule was Tuesdays and Thursdays – an advertising class from 2-3:15, followed by a Digital and Social Media Marketing class from 3:30-4:45. There were assigned classrooms, syllabi to develop, achievements to be measured. All the usual boxes of education. Then everything changed.

Suddenly there were no regularly scheduled blocks of time or places to be. No more whiteboards to write on or an ability to walk around the room to change perspectives and engage the folks in the back. Uh oh. What do we do now? How? The answer was to move online– on Zoom - aka the Brady Bunch on steroids.

Online learning isn't new, but changing in-class teaching to a completely different format required creativity and commitment. I have a new-found respect for the folks who teach online all the time. There is an art to it, and I still have a long way to go to even come close to mastering it. But here was a chance to rethink everything. Get outside the box.

My chapter notes? I tried to put them in documents to upload online – but I got bogged down. In class, I write a chapter outline of essential notes on the board, but during my lecture, I move from one item to another and back again. I can't do that with a PowerPoint. (And the students will tell you – I hate PowerPoint.) So out the window that went, and instead, I focused on incorporating the significant points in the weekly writing assignments – yup, those could continue – just email it to me. Check!

But the main focus of both classes were term-long group projects. Here I made a discovery. I would have been asking the groups to present in class (on a Tuesday or Thursday) and offering feedback in the same class. Instead, I used new boxes to help me jump out of the old box. I set up Zoom sessions with each of the groups separately. All of a sudden, I was able to discuss very different projects in depth with a small group – much more so than if they had presented in class. In the end, this worked so well I am going to incorporate Zoom project meetings into the syllabus for next year. Why didn’t I think of this before? I was stuck in a box.

Zoom has provided us with new ways to reach out, communicate, and hold meetings. We work out with a trainer on Zoom. Have quarantini's with friends on Zoom. Play online games with friends and family on Zoom. Of course, there’s an irony here - we are using a new idea but are now in onscreen boxes! And those business meetings? We now play Business Jargon Bingo 2.0 – the Zoom version - which includes such categories as "you're on mute," "sorry, you go first,” “is this recording,” “close-ups,” “can everybody see my screen,” “dogs barking in the background,” and a new personal favorite “I have a hard stop at…” I guess some things will never change.

PS. My mother loves to see all our smiling faces at once on Zoom (although we have discovered she can’t always hear us, so we’re getting her some earphones.)  And my all-time favorite Zoom session thus far was for my mother-in-law’s 92nd birthday. My husband and I went to her house, set up the laptop, and then – magic! She could see all of her kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids! We lit the cake and sang Happy Birthday. Teddy (our 2-year-old) knows what comes next, blowing out the candles. He could see the cake on the screen and started blowing. My husband blew out the candles in time with Teddy’s puffs.

It was perfect “out of the box” thinking.

 

Bonkers

You are entirely bonkers.
But I’ll tell you a secret.
All the best people are.

Lewis Carroll

Bonkers. Isn’t that a great word? To me, it doesn’t mean crazy, insane, mad, nuts, stupid, screwy, or off one's rocker. I prefer nutty, bananas, loony, wacky, and mad-as-a-hatter. This is, of course, where this quote comes from as Alice confirms to the Mad Hatter that he is in fact – bonkers. It is said with a smile and perhaps a shake of the head. Sometimes, even some amazement. I would like to suggest that being a little bonkers from time to time is good for us and good for the world.

When someone first said, “Hey, what about adding an eraser to the end of a pencil?” he was probably told he was bonkers. After all, wood pencils had been around since 1699 and were just fine, thank you. But in 1858, Hymen Lipman did just that! What a crazy idea! And what about color pencils? Those didn’t arrive on the scene until 1920.

In 1910, an engineer from Sweden names Lars Magnus installed the first telephone in his car. Of course, it was a little hard to use – he had to connect his phone with wires to telephone poles along the road as he drove. I'm sure people thought he was bonkers…but look where we are today.

Who first thought of putting peanut butter and jelly together in a sandwich? What about plugging in a guitar? And of course, the inventor of Post-It notes! (Which, by the way, was initially created as an adhesive by Spencer Silver of 3M in 1968, but no one found a use for it until Arthur Fry used it to make bookmarks for his hymnal in 1974.) And what about Pet Rocks? An advertising executive came up with that idea and sold over 1 million of them! Definitely bonkers!

I contend that almost all new ideas arise from someone being a little bonkers. These are the folks who look at the world from a slightly different angle. (Please don’t use the phrase “outside the box” – what does that even mean? What box? Whose box? But I digress…) They see the negative space in a photo. They hear the third harmony of a song in their head. Let’s give it a try is their mantra. They are the artists who discover a new way to combine materials – be it paint, wood, metal, glass, etc. and create something no one has seen before. Engineers see patterns and anomalies. Comics point out the weirdness in our world. And how about the chemists who are, right now, finding brand new solutions to a brand new and scary virus. (Yeah, science!)

Now, not all bonker ideas are gigantic in scope. Just look at all the folks finding ways to create facemasks using socks, vacuum filters, bandanas – you name it. Are they a little bonkers? Sure! Do we smile at some of their creations – yup. But we also appreciate their take on keeping us all safe. And, who knows, one of those ideas may just become the newest fashion accessory - formal ones with rhinestones; denim for casual Fridays, team logo versions; or masks for every type of passion or hobby. And I’m sure someone will come up with a way to keep our glasses from fogging when we wear them!

When someone says, "That's bonkers," it can sometimes mean, "Don't be ridiculous." These are the same folks who say – "That'll never work; don't waste your time." Or my personal favorite – “Because we’ve always done it that way.” Everyone I have ever known who I would consider a little bonkers has ignored the naysayers. A friend of mine who heads up the local United Way and is focused on the health and wellbeing of children in the community kept hearing about at-risk kids not being in school. He wanted to know why. It turns out those kid’s families didn’t have some basics – hygiene items, lice treatment kits, undergarments, even a new pair of pants when the ones the kids were wearing split. The idea for the Nurse's Pantry in schools was born, and it is helping kids stay in school across the community. A bonkers idea that has made a difference.

Sometimes bonker ideas come from someone saying, “Why not?” Many years ago, I was involved in the grand opening of a new regional airport terminal. We only had one shot to impress the masses, and it turned into a major black-tie event. Bands, food, unique décor, speeches, all the things you would expect. But we wanted something that people would never forget. Someone suggested fireworks! We quickly realized that might be an FAA issue (the airport was operational at the time), so we thought – let’s bring the fireworks inside! The resulting laser show amazed everyone. The check-in and luggage carousel areas filled with smoke, a soundtrack boomed, and images were displayed for all to see. Bonkers? Sure was, but it worked.

So, if someone calls you or your ideas bonkers – remember Alice.

Blank Calendar

In the corner of the kitchen, on a bulletin board on the wall just above the ledge with assorted keys, paperclips, old key rings, and a clear box of pushpins, is the calendar. It’s the kind your college sends you with artistic photos of campus above the open blocks of each month. They politely put essential dates such as Parents Weekend, Final Exam Week, Board meetings, and the close of the Annual Fund Drive in those empty blocks, attempting to keep you connected with your alma mater. I just like the photos. And even in a world filled with digital clocks and calendars on every device we own, the wall calendar still holds its own.

Push-pinned along-side the calendar are doctor appointment reminder cards, tickets from the cleaners, invitations, a photo of the grandkids, one pin with a small key dangling that no one really knows what it is for, a set of tickets for an upcoming show and a couple of reminder notes (pick up milk at Hillside, order Easter flowers for Mom and the password for the WIFI.) Written in the blocks are travel dates for my husband, upcoming "chicken dinners" to attend, birthdays, and so many more of the usual hustle and bustle that is our life.

But not this month. When the page was turned showing a Quad with cherry blossoms in full bloom and students heading to classes, the calendar boxes were utterly blank -  except for the birthdays of our oldest granddaughter, who turns 5 at the end of the month and my mother-in-law who turns 92 two days earlier. The rest is empty. No Easter breakfast with the bunny. No doctor’s appointments. No alumni gatherings, no dinner outings with friends, no weekends away. Nothing. Even the doctor’s appointments were gone. (And as this continues my hair taking on a life of its own, curling over my ears!) It was startling. It was sad. It was ominous.

Our lives are so scheduled that when we would occasionally have a weekend with “nothing to do," we embraced it! Our routines of dropping off and picking up shirts at the cleaner were tied to checking the UPS mailbox, hitting the grocery store, and stopping in to check on Mom. Tuesdays and Thursdays meant getting up early to work out at the gym with the trainer, followed by GMa bus service to drop the kids off at school. Meetings and classes were mixed with lunches with friends and perhaps a movie night. There was a pattern to life, a rhythm, a sense of moving forward, and anticipation for what was coming next. Sure, there were times when we’d begin to wonder which fundraising dinner we were at on a given night, but, I swear to you I will never again complain about having to go to one more damn dinner or putting on my smiley face at alumni gatherings. I long for the last-minute calls to pick up the kids, take one to dance class, or another to gymnastics. I miss our Friday nights sitting at the bar at Ruth’s Chris joking with the bartenders and having pancakes and waffles the next morning at Chuck’s with the whole family.

It is as if we are living in Bill’s Murray’s “Groundhog Day” world. One day melds with another. Is it Monday or Thursday? At least I know it’s April, the calendar on the wall says so. Classes are on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so that helps. Weekends are just another set of days – but the Sunday New York Times resets the week for me.

A new rhythm is emerging. One less hurried, more patient. Doing the best that you can is just fine. Losing it sometimes is just fine too. Grabbing on to a new pattern isn’t easy, but when there’s no choice…you figure it out.

Eating at home is a new norm. Who knew we had all that stuff in the freezer and cookbooks we haven’t perused in years? Going for walks at a tiny local park where we can listen to the creek running alongside the path, that’s new. Doing Zoom workouts with a trainer is interesting. Facetime story-time with the Grands, wonderful. Slowing down is opening new doors, letting us breathe and surprising us. All that organizing, cleaning, and to-do list projects – are getting done!

Still. I can see fatigue and worry on my students’ faces when we hold class over Zoom. They are hanging in there, but for the seniors, a calendar devoid of graduation dates, job interviews, parties with friends and family has taken a part of their youth away. They are still showing up, still completing projects and assignments. Yet, sooner or later, they will probably get to "what does this really matter?" And I can't argue with them. I hear concern and fear in the texts from cousins updating us on their parents who have tested positive – one at home and one in the hospital on a ventilator. We’re all learning to pray again. One day at a time.

Without distractions and demands, we can take deep breaths and rediscover who we are. Maybe look with a critical but caring eye on how we got to this place. And where are we going? In many ways, I’ve been using this time as practice for retirement, supposedly a time with no schedule and fewer responsibilities. It's not far away. I’m learning how to handle nothing.  Of course, when that day does come, we hope to be able to do all the things on the retirement list (old habits die hard.) But a quiet day with nothing to do won’t be quite so intimidating!

Right now, the calendar keeps track of deliveries from Amazon and Instacart. That 1,000-piece puzzle is due any day now. The skeins of wool will be here soon. So that’s two things to keep us busy, fill our days. (I’m making afghans for the grandkids.)  And every Monday I’ll write something new. That is the new schedule of my life.

A calendar can’t tell the future. We fill it with anticipation, hope, and celebration. Our annual family trip to Cape May in July is still there. Birthdays and anniversaries will still go on. School will end and summer vacation will begin – even if it’s in our own backyard. Afterall, it is up to us to make each day count – whether there is something on the calendar or not.

Change

I'm usually the person who says why not! when faced with an opportunity to learn or do something new. I'll pretty much try anything once. I thrive on figuring out a path, adjusting to challenges, and getting past old ways of doing things. But even so, I, like everyone else, am a creature of habit. Or rather, a comfort-zone creature. There’s a set pattern or rhythm to my days. I know what to expect (most of the time), and I plan accordingly. Well, COVID-19 has blown it all apart.

We were in Florida when things got “real.” It was supposed to be a week of doing nothing – reading books by the pool and then deciding where we would be going to dinner each night. One week – the only week of the year when it’s just the two of us. And yes, I know that sounds privileged. I get that. Please understand, I’m not whining, just setting the stage. I had arrived on Friday, but by Monday, we were driving home. (No planes for us given my respiratory issues.) Eighteen hours later, we were home – and still talking to each other!

My husband is on the COVID-19 response team at the private school he’s been working at for 45 years. Each day the calls were getting longer and more worrisome. The school has students not only from the United States but also all over the world. Everyone had been on spring break. But, in fact, some of the Chinese students hadn't been able to go home for spring break and had been stuck in the dorms for two weeks. I couldn't imagine it. Not being able to go home and see your family. Watching the news and worrying. Studying for SATs (which ended up being canceled), tiring from the monotony.

And change was around the corner.

The school decided not to open after break. The fantastic faculty shifted into high gear. Online teaching training was quickly developed – from Kindergarten to Grade 12 – and within two days, everyone was online. The University where I teach did the same thing. I’ve become a ZOOM master! Well, sorta. I’m still figuring it out. I forget to hit the record button, but I have learned how to share my screen and pass control of the mouse! And one thing I know for sure – I'll be ready in the fall to teach my classes in-person or online and not miss a beat. My sister is also a teacher – at a high school for Learning Disabled kids. For them, the change from a structured in-person classroom to classes online has been so tough. She says some of the students just aren't showing up – and that worries her.

Change. Do I like teaching online? Mmmmmm...not as much as being there. But it's working. I've slimmed down the course, and with ZOOM, I can at least see them, joke with them, let them know that we'll get through this together. After all, we only have four weeks to go. Some of them seem to be doing fine -a relative term, of course. Others, struggling with forced changes in their lives (no gym, no hanging out) and being home again.

So, this whole working from home thing. How’s that going? We quickly realized that we needed to be on different floors to make it work. He's on calls, I'm teaching classes. It was too distracting to be within earshot of each other! And so, we have adjusted. So far, so good. We head off to our respective offices and meet in the middle to have lunch together and end the day with powering down and unplugging.

Yes, we are social distancing – at least from everyone else. I will tell you this is a change I do not like – and I’m sure many others agree. Not being able to hug my grandkids is just awful! We FaceTime, but it’s not the same. I stopped by their house the other day to drop something off – and I got a “what are you doing here?” from my granddaughter. In other words, GMa – go home!

Each of our mothers is struggling a bit, too. I've seen posts online joking about us having to keep our parents from going out (a role reversal for sure!) They are an independent bunch. But they are most vulnerable. When I spoke to my Mom, she said – “You know I keep forgetting I’m 88.” Fortunately, she can sit outside on the balcony and watch the manatees swim by in the bay. And my brother is there to keep tabs on her. Closer to home, we convinced my mother-in-law to try a home delivery from Wegmans – a change from her habit of checking out all the sales in the store while getting in some walking. (Today the Instacart delivery folks went on strike. Another day, another challenge.) We also gave her a list of the DirectTV channels so she could find something other than news to watch. (Of course, she said she wanted a gold star from us because she had watched a movie on the Hallmark Channel.) Hopefully, the weather will continue to improve, and she will be able to go for a walk with her caretaker each day. Getting outside is healthy for our minds and bodies - for all of us, and it's not hard to keep the six-foot rule in place.

Even our gym workout sessions have moved online (ZOOM again), and it's excellent! We see familiar faces, laugh at our clumsiness, complain about the exercises – just like we do at the gym. It keeps us active. And while we're doing it, we have to focus on our breathing (or catching our breath) and can’t think of anything else. Not a bad way to spend an hour. (And truth be told, I like just tumbling down the stairs in the morning to our workout space instead of driving to the gym. This change I could get used to!)

I have relatives and friends who are nurses and doctors. I don’t know how they are doing it. No matter what your politics – these folks deserve praise and a raise. They are working long hours in horrendous situations. While we are all taking it one day at a time – they are dealing with it one patient at a time, one minute at a time. God love them. I also have infected relatives. My aunt and uncle in Delaware are home, weak, and trying to rest. All they did was go out to dinner two weeks ago….

This ain’t over. There will be more changes. And we will get through it.

Change is hard. We all react differently to it. Let’s remember that over the next couple of weeks, okay? We get scared. After all, the unknown is very unsettling. Some folks hunker down and avoid it all. Many can't take their eyes off screens and worry about every new development. Many are just mad. (I will admit to yelling at the TV when I hear something just incredulous.) But I also try to find smiles in all of this. There are some very talented folks out there creating memes that just crack me up. The other night we held a Quarantini Cocktail hour on Zoom with friends, and it was fun!

We’re all figuring it out in our own way. Here, we are watching movie after movie. (NO sports on TV is tough for my hubby.) We’ve decided to eat healthier – no junk in the house – trying new recipes, and we’re actually losing weight! I’m crocheting like a fiend (afghans for my grandkids), and I just ordered more yarn from a local business.

We’re all in this together. I know we keep hearing that statement, but it’s true.

Stay safe, everyone. Stay home, everyone. It's the only way to beat this thing. 

 

So you want to be a singer...

Think back. Is there something that has given you pleasure throughout all the stages of your life? Perhaps it’s reading – starting with beginner Dr. Seuss books like The Cat in the Hat or Green Eggs and Ham, to your current choice of biographies, fiction, or nonfiction. Or did you play sports? Little League, Pee Wee football or soccer, and the teammates you spent so many days with are still your friends today? How about Scout camping trips that led your lifetime love of the outdoors? Those that loved taking things apart and rebuilding them may have become engineers, inventors, or mechanics.

For me, it was singing. As far back as I can remember, I loved being a member of the choir. I had taken piano lessons and taught myself guitar, so I knew how to read music. But there was something about a group of people opening their mouths and blending sounds. Carrying a tune by yourself was nothing compared to the power of all those voices. We sang around the campfire on Scout trips (and yes, “Kumbya” was one them), belted out songs in grammar school choir. But high school chorus was the best. Doc Simpson managed to corral us all, get us to pay attention, learn our parts, and, just in time for the concerts, it would all come together. You see, anyone could sign up for chorus, so Doc worked with the truly talented, the kids there just to fill a time slot on their schedule and the rest of us were on key, most of the time. (And those bright blue gowns and gold stoles! Even if we didn’t always sound the best, we sure looked the part.) The altos were a mighty bunch (quite often Doc had to tell us to tone it down so he could hear the sopranos), and we helped each other out. At one concert, I had a small solo. I was nervous, so my good friend and fellow alto Deb made sure I had the right starting note by humming softly with me before I was out there on my own. I’ll never forget that.

I was in all the school musicals usually singing alto, but sometimes tenor when we didn’t have enough guys for the show. Show tunes have a way of bringing folks together. Months after the show, someone would sing a line, and before you knew it, everyone had joined in. It was Doc and Mrs. G (drama teacher my senior year) who kindled my love with theater in general and musicals in particular. At the end of my sophomore year Doc came to me and asked if I would sing the part of Mama Rose in Gypsy the next year. It meant I would need to go to voice lessons and he got my parents to agree. (What they weren’t too sure about were the motorcycle rides to my lessons from another musician friend Rick.)

I continued in theater in college – dramas and musicals- and ended up graduating with a theater degree. I sang with a trio in the coffee house on campus for a little while my freshman year, but it really wasn’t meant to be. (I never had enough time to practice since I spent so much time at the theater.) However, my experience of singing dovetailed with my love of music. I so admire the artists that share their talents up on a stage. It almost doesn’t matter what type of music it is- jazz, rock, folk, reggae, oldies, or alternative. Although I will admit to having a hard time with rap and classical - an odd combination I know. Rap is too repetitious (I don’t need to hear your name 83 times) and I just don’t know enough about classical music. And as much as I love singing – it drives me batty when the people next to me insist on singing along (loudly and usually not very well) with the artist. Unless we’re at a Jimmy Buffet concert where audience participation is expected and encouraged, I believe you should respect the person on stage and listen with your ears and heart.

Do I still sing? Nah, not as part of a choir anyway. However, when a favorite song comes on, I will harmonize behind the wheel. My alto has become raspier (asthma and allergies will do that to you.) But my grandchildren don’t seem to mind when I sing to them. In fact, I sing “A Bushel and A Peck” to them before they go to sleep – a song I learned when we did Guys and Dolls in college. They sing along. Who knew?